The name game

February 14, 2008


Every holiday, my local paper has an insert where proud parents/grandparents send in pictures of their little crumb crunchers. Sweet, yes, but also a great opportunity to mock stupid parents and the stupid names they give their kids. You get the usual assortment of trendy names that sounded weird a few years ago but have become so popular that they almost sound normal. I swear I don’t even blink an eye anymore at the Madisons, Savannahs, Coltons and Conners.

Here is a rundown of the best of the worst from this Valentine’s Day “Little Loves” section.  I’ve divided them into three categories.

Normal names but with awful spellings:

Kade (girl; pronounced like katie, I’m guessing)

Mash up names (they almost sound like real names but…):


And then there are those parents who need to be shot:

Chadric (not sure)
Phioenix (girl and no that’s not a typo)

The saddest thing of all; there was only one John.


15 Responses to “The name game”

  1. Quakerjono Says:

    My aunt used to work for a local school district as a social worker. One day, I remember her looking me dead in the eye and saying, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I feel you should know that there is a small child running around ______________ schools named ‘Placenta’.”

    I’ve always wondered if she had a brother name Cesarean or a sister named Episiotomy.

    People have some strange ideas about appropriate names these days.

  2. superdave524 Says:

    Twins I met: Quantinisha and Quantinette (must’ve been small and squishy masses as infants). Others I’ve heard of second-hand and may just be apocrophal: LeMonjello and FeMale. What surprised me in looking at the pictures of those kids, is they’re not generally “ethnic” kids, but the standard red-haired, pasty-faced kids that, in generations past would’ve been called “Bob”, “Jim” and “Mary”. The times, they are a changin’.

  3. Jamie Says:


    You know, years ago it used to be that people’s names ended up spelled oddly not on purpose, but because their parents had little to no education.

    Actually, maybe the reason’s still the same, come to think of it.

  4. There’s a Shirley Q. Liquor skit in this somewhere.

  5. I actually knew two sisters by the last name Coe. Their parents had named them Jerri and Chris. Also, we had a Justin Case.

    Fort Wayne, Indiana had a mayor named Harry Baals (he has an unlabelled street named after him because the signs kept disappearing) and there was a Texas philanthropist named Ima Hogg (daughter of one-time governor “Big Jim” Hogg).

    There is a study being conducted in the UK about the perception of names and their effect on your life. The link is:

    It is by the same people who brought you the world’s funniest joke:

  6. PatrickP Says:

    It could be worse, they could all be named Juan, Jose, Maria, and Lupe.

  7. Alinaki Says:

    Hahahaha. Terrible. You were right about the parents. Here in Romania, we have a lot of children named after actors in soap movies and, to be even funnoe, people name their cows after the same actors. So there are a lot of 4 leg beauties named “Isaura”, “Dona Alba”, or you name it.

  8. superdave524 Says:

    A visitor from Romania. How cool is that?

  9. John in IL Says:

    You’d be surprised at the number of beautiful Romanian women who visit my site.

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